A child-free night and the things I’ve realised

This weekend was the FIRST EVER TIME I’ve spent a night sans children.

30 hours, to be exact.

We went to a wedding in Oxford. Sam was best man, the happy couple were part of our uni friendship group, and so there were lots of good friends there with whom we don’t often get to spend quality time.

Especially Sam and I BOTH present and without children. That never happens.

Good times were had by all, and as is usual when I am granted more ‘me’ time than I’m used to, reflections were made and things were learnt:

Alcohol and the lure of an uninterrupted night’s sleep will dull any pangs of guilt that my rather needy and frequent night-waking baby might feel I’ve abandoned him.

Rory’s night could have gone better, but it could have gone a LOT worse. And he was happy enough without me.

I built up leaving him so much in my head, I wan’t sure I’d be able to relax without him. But I was fine.

Taking breaks from the fun to express is a pain in the arse, but as it turns out, so are the consequences of NOT bothering to express.

I DON’T want to spend my whole child-free evening talking about the children. So, to my coupled-up friends who might be nearing the point where you are starting to see children as a somewhat realistic prospect on the not-too-distant horizon, if you approach me with your list of questions about the ins and outs of childbirth, baby names, breastfeeding, or any other child-related topics, do not be offended if I sharply veer off in search of the nearest bar.

On that note, you know that whole ‘getting a bit lost when you become a mum/trying to find yourself again’? Well, my ‘Chloe’ rediscovery is a whole lot better than it was two years ago. Back then, I couldn’t put my finger on why I felt slightly deflated every time someone eagerly asked me “So, what’s it like being a MUM??” Now, I know where I’m at and am more in control of my decisions on the parenting front, and I’m perfectly confident in saying, “Yeah, you know what, it’s great and I love my kids, but I have other stuff I’d like to talk about”.

I’m MASSIVELY torn between getting my life back on track (career, finances, and other life plans) VS having a third and final child. We are talking more five year plan here not imminent broodiness so nobody get too eager. I’m just gonna ride it out until one option makes itself the most apparent choice.

I was happy to see my kids again. But I didn’t miss them terribly. And I’m already starting to think about orchestrating another night away. I am 30 in January, that sounds like a great excuse for a child-free trip, right??

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PS. During the hecticness of preparing for our trip away, I found out that I am a FINALIST (!!) in the photography category of the Britmums blogging awards. I didn’t post or tweet about votes this year, so not even my friends and family did their usual obligatory voting, and so I am even more shocked to be included as a finalist. Thank you so much if you did decide to throw a vote my way – I love the BiBs regardless, but it’s a lovely bit of added excitement to be participating in the awards – and I am massively honoured.