Finally got round to writing the last instalment of my breastfeeding story….
At 13 months old, Arlo became very vocal about his milk, as well as demanding to breastfeed every five minutes (no exaggeration).
Even though by 11 months old he didn’t need to feed so much, he always wanted to feed when we were out at baby groups. I think he was nervous and feeding made him more comfortable. By 13 months, it was getting a little ridiculous to have him feeding constantly for an hour and a half at a baby group, or stand up swaying him. That or tears. Plus, I didn’t really feel that comfortable feeding him in public any more. Partly because the only other people feeding or rocking their babies were mums with 3 month olds. I thought Arlo needed some gentle encouragement to show him that it was OK to be comfortable in busy group situations. So, we stopped feeding. It took a little while, but he got the idea and stopped asking in public. Breastfeeding became only for home.
And breastfeeding started to happen a lot at home. I heard it was bad to refuse. I never set any boundaries. I had a busy half-year where I was looking for work every spare minute and then trying to build my business, and we ended up in a situation where it was easier and quicker to let Arlo have free reign of my boobs while I sat on the sofa at my computer.
Now he thinks it’s fine to hop on and off every ten minutes and snack whenever he wants. That’s literally it, just a snack. Sometimes he doesn’t even stay on one long enough to activate a let down. He likes move back and forth from one to the other, spending about 10 seconds at each one. I am a snack bar.
11 comments
JD was 25 months when I stopped BF him. At 24 months, it would have felt totally wrong to stop, he clearly wasn’t ready. At 25 months, he was clearly ready to give it up and stopping was easy – only two days of slight grumpiness and it was all over. It was definitely his call. Actually all his milestones were similar – he led, I supported. I’m taking the same approach with Miss J and I’m very happy with it. Well done you for getting this far x
That’s a very good point about the milestones. He walked when he wanted to (late), he slept when he wanted to (also late). He’s led all the way. As with his other milestones, I can also see that weaning may be an overnight change just like you found – when he’s ready, it will happen just like that.
The obsession with milk thing is normal – I have come across so many mums who experienced the same. Isabel did it a few times but I can’t remember what ages it was at.
I never denied a feed but I would often say “mummy is just doing X, we will have it in 5 minutes” and then in 5 minutes I’d offer. It helped maintain boundaries without restriction (I found saying no resulted in tedious tantrums… nothing has changed).
It’s funny, I was really ready for Izz to stop, and then she did… and it really knocked me for six. Hormones all over the place and early pregnancy didn’t help! I had to learn how to parent all over again though.
Meh, all good fun.
It’s true that me saying ‘later’, or ‘at bedtime’ works much better than saying no outright. I think that stopping is such a big thing no matter how ready you are.
Arlo must be of an age almost to the day with my No3. Coincidentally, I initiated stopping last week, after a gradual wind-down over a few months. My first child self-weaned at 15 months (I was pregnant, which I think contributed); my second quite happily at 25 months.
I feel very guilty about being the one to stop, but I’ve never previously felt so restricted by feeding. It was getting to the point where I was unable to get the eldest two ready properly in the morning, and didn’t dare sit down during the day! Curiously, although he does still look for milk in the mornings, he’s fairly easy to distract and he has become a little bit less grumpy and clingy during the day. I’m sad that our breastfeeding days are over, but I think that it was definitely the right time for us.
Thanks for posting this – there’s not enough written about feeding a toddler
Thanks for your comment. You are right there is not much at all written about breastfeeding toddlers. I found one book, and it was written in the 80s! That’s why I love reading blog posts on the subject, so thought I’d write my own.
I can completely understand the restriction that comes with having a breast-obsessed toddler, especially when you have other children and places to get to in the mornings!
Thank you so much for the link to my blog. 🙂
I can so relate to this. Sometimes I forget how hard it was. You’ve definitely reminded me. Hang in there. It gets easier and it’s worth the hard work.