Five years on from our wedding, and I still haven’t written about the day – there were so many things to talk about that I didn’t know where to start!
So, now, in the spirit of ‘just getting it written’, and with the benefit of five years of hindsight, I’ve decided to focus on the ‘best bits’ – the planning aspects and details that we thought worked really well, as well as our favourite moments.
The best things about our wedding
1. It wasn’t just one day
Our wedding took place over an entire weekend, which was brilliant, as it meant we really got to spend a lot more time with our guests.
(One aspect of experiencing your own wedding reception is that guest interaction is often limited to a series of hellos and goodbyes – with little opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen in a while).
Our weekend guests arrived on late afternoon on the Friday for a barbeque and a pub-style quiz based on things to do with me and Sam, curated by our brother in law. This was a great way for the wedding guests to meet and mingle.
A ‘Keeping it real’ aside: This was the most stressful day of the weekend. We had access from lunchtime to set up the barn. We thought we’d be done well before guests started arriving, but Waitrose had cancelled our (huge!) online delivery at the very last minute, and couldn’t provide us with a new delivery slot. So, Sam and I spent our allocated set-up time on the Friday running around the local Tesco getting supplies for the evening BBQ later that same day – which meant we were nowhere near finished setting up the barn when guests started arriving.
A large part of that afternoon was a hectic blur, but it was lovely once we finally did get to ‘clock off’ and socialise with our guests. We chalked down this experience as one of the unexpected problems that can arise when you are organising a DIY wedding.
We also extended our wedding weekend with a trip to the registry office to officialise things on the Monday after the wedding weekend. I thought this would be one of the more boring, functional aspects of the wedding, but it actually turned out to be a really lovely event in itself – more on that later.
2. The bridesmaid dresses
I picked a colour and asked my bridesmaids to choose an outfit in that colour. I nicked this idea from my friend who’s wedding I was a bridesmaid at – it meant everyone got to wear something they felt comfortable in, and would want to wear again for a future occasion.
3. A more casual dress code
I don’t really like suits. Sam in a suit just makes me think of boring work functions. And kids in suits isn’t my thing either. So we kept the dress code for the groomsmen a bit more casual, which I think also worked better with the outdoor surroundings.
In the invites, we also noted that guests could wear whatever they wanted, whether this was a full suit and tie, or a less formal smart / casual outfit – a lot of the guys opted for a summer shirt and trousers.
My top and skirt was from Halfpenny London. Sam wore a Beggars Run blazer and green chinos with Redwing boots.
4. Using meaningful music
This was actually a really hard task at a first, even after I persuaded Sam that the Jurassic Park theme was not going to be our walking down the aisle song.
Sam and I share a lot of music together, we really wanted to choose music that reflected bands we’ve seen together and some of our favourite artists. But so many of our favourite songs just weren’t suitable for wedding vibes – too much death and heartbreak or just not the right sound. In the end we found the best method was to compile some of our favourite songs into a playlist, and narrow down from there according to vibes.
- Walking down the aisle – These Arms of Mine by Otis Redding
- You’ve Got A Friend in Me – Randy Newman . Toy Story (This was sung by our guests mid-ceremony, the song was our children’s choice)
- Exit Music – Modern Love by David Bowie
- First dance – Our Year by The Zombies
5. The guest DJ sets
Carrying on with the music theme, we didn’t really fancy having any live music at the wedding reception. But we were also looking for something a bit more than just whacking on a Spotify playlist. We settled on guest DJ sets using Stick It On, and this became one of our favourite fun parts of our wedding, and the one thing that so many of our guests mentioned enjoying (and continue to mention even five years on!)
Pre-event, guests were invited to sign up for a DJ set via a link, choosing 3 songs they wanted to play. We encouraged people to sign up in groups so that more people could get involved. On the day, we ended up being short on time, so the sets were cut from 3 songs down to 2 per group – forcing people to cut the weaker of their 3 songs actually ended up being a genius move and made for a banger of a playlist ; )
Sam and I had full veto control of the playlist before the event, and post-wedding, Stick It On sent us the playlist on Spotify. The guest DJ slots meant that everyone got to hear songs they enjoy, and the lure of seeing friends and family have their ‘moment’ kept everyone firmly on the dancefloor.
6. Getting friends and family involved
We wanted our friends and family to be involved in our wedding in as many meaningful ways possible.
Sam’s mum did all of the flowers and the ceremony backdrop. Our friend Tommy was our celebrant. Sam’s dad was the MC. My friend Louise did the illustrations for our order of ceremony cards. My friend Lorna made our handpainted wedding cake. Our brother-in-law Rob hosted the Friday night quiz. Guests brought homemade dishes for the dessert table.
It was a lot of work for everyone involved, but it meant so much to me and Sam to have so many familiar faces and personal touches to our wedding day.
Honouring family that are no longer with us, I wore my granny’s pearl bracelet, and I had my wedding ring bespoke made to incorporate the gold and jewels from a ring belonging to my grandma.
7. The speeches
As well as the usual groom, best man, and father of the bride speeches, we maximised further on speeches by inviting family to say a few words during the ceremony, instead of readings.
So, we had lovely speeches from my mum, Sam’s sisters, and our children also did a poem / ‘performance’ during the ceremony. My bridesmaid Lorna introduced all the reception speeches, and I also did a speech during the reception – which was another of my favourite moments of the day.
My tip – get someone to record the speeches, it doesn’t have to be a pro, but even just a phone camera recording so you can listen back at a later date and remember all the bits you’d forgotten that were said – so many aspects of your wedding day become a blur as there is so much to absorb at the time.
8. Our wedding co-ordinator
Our wedding venue was completely DIY. We brought in all of the drinks, organised the caterers and entertainment ourselves. With so many moving parts, it dawned on me closer to the day, that we might benefit from an on-the-day wedding co-ordinator to liaise with the different vendors and keep everything running on track.
This turned out to be absolutely vital – Sam and I had no idea what time it was all day, and the schedule would have gone wildly off track without our wedding planner giving us a heads up about where we needed to be / what we needed to be doing next.
9. The day after
As many of our friends and family were staying on-site for the wedding weekend, we also got to see everyone the next day, starting with a hungover brunch and ending with a spirited game of beer pong into the early hours.
It was great to be able to spend time with our guests the day after, as you really don’t get long enough with any guests on the wedding day itself.
The downside to this day was that after weeks of sun and heatwave, the weather finally broke and it tipped it down for most of the day. So the relaxed day of garden games was scrapped, but we were very thankful that the actual wedding day had stayed dry!
10. Signing the register
After the fun of our wedding was over, we still needed to get officially married, so we booked a slot at Brighton registry office for the Monday after the wedding.
I was expecting the registry office to be mostly a boring functional experience and a bit of a blip in the shadow of the wonderful wedding weekend we’d just had. But this day ended up being quite lovely in itself.
I wore a £20 dress from New Look that I already owned, we had our parents and siblings in tow, the registrars made things very joyful and it all felt way more special than I was anticipating.
We capped off the wedding celebrations with some photos at the bandstand and an amazing seafood lunch on the beachfront. I think perhaps the low pressure nature of the day meant it was easy to enjoy with no expectations.
11. Having our children there
Although Bay was only there in spirit as he didn’t yet exist, our three older children were at our wedding, with Arlo and Rory being old enough that they still remember the day.
We involved the children as much as they wanted to be with no expectations, but we found they really wanted to be involved and embraced every role we suggested. I think weddings when you have children already can be extra special, and I love that our children were present on such a ‘big’ day for our family.
Some more photos:
Wedding photography by Shari and Mike
