I have always been a planner.
Once upon a time, the ‘life plan’ for my twenties was to live with friends, travel, take my time exploring careers, before moving in with my university boyfriend, settling down and getting married at the very reasonable age of 30ish.
Except my life had other plans for me.
Ever since I saw two lines on a pregnancy test, aged 24, I’ve been completely winging the life plan.
I’m now heading towards my mid 30s, and I got as far as ‘live with friends’.
When I got pregnant, Sam and I had to hastily scrabble together a new plan. By the time we moved in together, I was just three weeks away from giving birth. The past few years since I became a mum have seen me slowly process the fact that a lot changed VERY quickly in my life, and I never quite felt like I was in control of it all.
The adjustments we have faced through unplanned pregnancy, starting a family way before any of our friends, unaffordable childcare costs, high London living costs, and budgeting for a family on one ‘first jobber’ salary are topics that have had a huge impact on our lives over the last few years, and are often reflected upon in my blog posts.
I started blogging in 2011 when my first-born was a baby. Not knowing many young families or people with babies in real life, it was my way of connecting with other parents, whilst also being a catharsis that I felt comfortable with – I could write whatever I was feeling without worrying that I was burdening anyone with my unimportant troubles. Blogging not only gave me the connections I was seeking, but also found me other parents to talk to – people who had been through similar to me, people who ‘got it’.
Although things certainly felt scary at first, there was a lot of happiness too (which you will see, looking back over my blog).
When we first found out I was pregnant, I promised Sam that we would look back at that time and laugh about how devastatingly life-altering it had all seemed. Even though I wasn’t very convinced of this promise myself.
Life is so different now. We are a tight family unit of five, and I am finally happy with my sense of life and the motherhood balance. We are out the other side, with a renewed sense of life’s curve balls and a knowing sense that you always can’t plan everything down to the last detail.
One thing’s for sure, my promise to Sam turned out entirely right – whatever happens, there is always a lot of laughter.