I could have waited forever for this day to come.
Over summer, I could ignore it pretty easily. It seemed like such a distant thing, so far removed from our life and our routine whilst we were on holiday.
I knew I wasn’t looking forward to Rory starting school. But even I surprised myself with my stubborn flat out refusal to bow down to acceptance the evening before his first day. In that moment, if I could have taken an extra week, month…year, I would have in an instant.
He is a young school starter, having just turned four a few months ago. But that’s not the reason for my hesitation.
When Arlo started, he just swanned off into the classroom and it was all just so easy. I really think he was born ready for school. Rory is very different. He likes to me close to me at all times, he misses me when I am gone for five minutes, and he has been very vocal about his worries and reservations about school.
It breaks my heart to think of me not being able to be there for him for such a large part of the day. To think of him quiet and unsure in such a busy environment. He is still very much my baby, and I know I am guilty perhaps of treating him so.
But it is time to start letting him go, just a little bit at a time.
So, on his first day of school, I put on a smile and made it all about him and his special day.
Starting school is such a big moment, I wanted to record a bit of it. I made a video which I think really captures how I was feeling the morning he started school: