Miscarriage Pregnancy

Experiencing pregnancy after loss

Shortly after I got fed up of not talking and wrote these posts, a GP finally agreed to test my thyroid function, plus do the LH/FSH and progesterone blood tests they do for fertility. Thyroid, LH and FSH came back fine, but my progesterone (which I had tested on exactly the day you are meant to, 7DPO) came back very low. “You haven’t ovulated this month”, the GP said. Except I knew that I had, I must have, because earlier that day I’d had a positive pregnancy test.

Cue massive, massive panic from me. “What if I told you I just got a positive on a pregnancy test?”

“Well, I’d say it means you’re pregnant”, the GP answered all too sarcastically and without the tact I expected after seeing the same GP during my last two miscarriages.

“But it’s going to fail again isn’t it? Because my progesterone is way too low.”

“No, the reason your progesterone is low is because you were already pregnant when you had the blood test. You don’t get a rise in progesterone when you are pregnant.”

At that point I wrapped up the conversation because I knew she couldn’t help me. She was given me incorrect information. Of course your progesterone rises, pregnancy or no pregnancy. The swing from estrogen to progesterone in the second half of your cycle is crucial to conception.

In my eyes, my results meant another failed pregnancy. If my progesterone wasn’t even high enough to indicate normal ovulation, how the hell could it ever be enough to sustain a pregnancy? I wasn’t allowed another progesterone test (some stupid rule that they can’t test again if you’ve had it tested within the last 4 weeks). I waited for bleeding to start.

It never came. 15 weeks on and we are still here, both of us. I can’t prove it, but I really think in my case the vitamins I started taking did something amazing. I survived anxiety in stretches of two weeks, the interval between the series of early scans I had at the EPU. There was no acknowledgment of this baby between Sam and I, save for every Sunday when I’d casually mutter “X amount of weeks today”.

Arlo and I saw a peanut shaped lump at 6 weeks, a heartbeat at 7 weeks, a few wriggles at 9 weeks, and at 13 weeks all 3 of us saw a fully fledged healthy baby shape. Now, at almost 16 weeks, the placenta should have taken over full progesterone production from my body, so my worries about low progesterone levels are alleviating.

I have been pregnant on and off for the last 10 months. We are approaching the due date of the first loss, what would have been our Christmas baby, in a couple of weeks. My hormones have been all over the place for a long time, and my body has experienced a lot of rapid changes with not much break between them. Pregnancy has been my main focus for the best part of the last year. All of this is going to take a lot of processing.

My past experiences have made me rather guarded over this pregnancy. I haven’t felt like sharing the news here until now. Aside from parents, we didn’t tell friends and family until last week (although it turns out I didn’t have that many people to tell as my mum had already told most of our side of the family ages ago). All being well, we should be expecting to meet this little person towards the end of May.

I am so very thankful, but I still don’t really feel like rejoicing. It’s still sinking in that this is happening. But I am trying to embrace it now, for me, and because it’s what this baby deserves. A big part of doing the pregnancy thing again was making up for the pregnancy I didn’t have with Arlo. I’m starting to think it’s just not part of my nature to be a deliriously happy sunshine and roses pregnant person, but I do want to feel the excitement and do justice to this pregnancy. I think I’m slowly making my way towards that.

Sorry About The Mess is a personal lifestyle and family blog. documenting the life of London blogger and photographer, Chloe. This is our family story.

Comments (22)

  • I have tears streaming down my face as I read this, I completely understand how reserved you are feeling at this pregnancy. I can imagine not completely relaxing until the baby is in your arms. I want to say a HUGE congratulations on your pregnancy and I really hope you stay well for the rest of it xx

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  • Congratulations – teary eyed for you here. Gentle hugs and ‘sticky’ vibes to get you through the next 24 or so weeks. 🙂

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    • Thanks Jem, I’m feeling better about the whole pregnancy thing every day – although it will be great when I start getting those big movements.

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  • I just tried to leave a comment on my phone but I’m not sure what happened, it disappeared so if you do find it then delete it and I will start again! I am so happy for you, I can completely understand that it must be not only a really worrying time but also a reminder of the ones who didn’t make it. I have started to get really anxious since catching slapped cheek and stopped making comments that just assume we have a baby next year. I know there is only a small chance something will go wrong but it’s still more of a chance then there was before. It’s such a long time to worry really, I hope things carry on well for you though. It is very exciting! xx

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    • There’s always worry when you are pregnant isn’t there? Until you have a baby in your arms, at least, and then the worry multiplies. I really hope your growth scans will show that everything is fine, it must be very worrying.

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  • Oh congratulations Chloe. I can completely see why you have been feeling worried and anxious, but allow yourself to be happy and excited. I am so over the moon for you, having followed all your trials with trying to get your second baby. I know you will continue to worry, and as much as being pregnant is a happy time it’s also one full of panic and fear too, so try not to worry about the fact you don’t feel like the happy sunshine pregnant person.
    Having two is amazing, and Arlo will be a fantastic brother. I’m wishing you a healthy and simple rest of pregnancy. X

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    • Thanks Lucy. Aside from my anxiety, this pregnancy has actually been amazingly simple so far, so I have been enjoying that side of things : )

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  • Congratulations! That was so wonderful to read 🙂

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  • Amazing news-congratulations! Interesting what you say about the vitamins. I suffered really bad anxiety earlier this year then went to a seminar on nutrition, decided my anxiety wasn’t helped by my not eating properly, started supplementing and I swear this is what made it go away. Which ones do you take?

    Such a lovely post to read. Here’s to a healthy pregnancy! x

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    • I basically took anything and everything that claimed to help increase progesterone or balance estrogen and progesterone. Vitamin C, B complex, cod liver oil, Angus castus. I think my body just needed a little push from suppliments to kick my hormones back into gear after having Arlo.

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  • Congratulations. What a stressful time you’ve had. Hopefully you can start to relax soon x

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    • Thank you – I’m sure in a couple of months I’ll be in fully fledged pregnant mode and getting excited!

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  • Congratulations! Hopefully as you get further in to your pregnancy, you’ll be able to relax a little more each day. You’ve been through so much. This is a well-deserved ray of sunshine xx

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  • I have very watery eyes! I’m so unbelievably happy for you, and so glad everything’s ok! Very excited to watch your journey and eventually ‘meet’ your new addition! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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  • So pleased for you, and can completely understand why you would feel so anxious, it’s such an anxious time even if you haven’t had any problems, I don’t think any pregnant lady can relax until baby is happily in their arms. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy-I bet May feels like forever away now but it will soon come around! All the best x

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  • That’s such wonderful news – congratulations to you all! It has been a long and tough road there, but now you can relax and look forward to the new addition. Can’t wait to see you all in a few weeks – let me know if there are any foods you can’t face! xxx

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  • Many congratulations on your news Chloe. I can completely understand why you must be anxious, I am anxious and I haven’t even had the struggles to get to the point you are at. I will not be completely happy until there is a little baby in my arms, but you must at least try and enjoy your pregnancy- I can imagine how hard it is to relax for you, but you want to look back and think that you enjoyed it.
    I wish you a healthy and happy rest of your pregnancy and can’t wait to hear your news that Arlo is a big brother.
    Your photos of the new addition will be amazing I am sure.
    Congratulations again.
    xx

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  • Thank you for sharing your story here. I’ve had two miscarriages so i’m right there with you on most of your thoughts. We are TTC right now and I was just wondering about the amounts in mgs you have been taking of each supplement and where you have found out if the levels you are taking are safe to take? I’ve tried looking online but can’t really find much info.

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    • I was taking b-100 complex and switched to b6 and b12 100mg when I got the positive pregnancy test as the levels of niacin in the b complex were deemed to be too high for pregnancy (according to lots of googling!). Then I slowly reduced the b6 and b12 amounts by 25mg every couple of weeks. I stayed on 50mg until 14 weeks, at that point I stopped altogether with the vits except for the amounts in my prenatal multivitamin supplement (pregnacare).

      Vit C: I took a low dose (500mg) as I read that over 1000mg wasn’t good in pregnancy, and I stopped with the cod liver oil once I was pregnant as I read vit A could be damaging in pregnancy and I couldn’t find info as to what amount of vit a was safe.

      I think it’s definitely a case of different things work for different people though, and I’d only ever take the vitamins and amounts that you are comfortable with, if there’s any doubt then it’s probably not worth doing.

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      • Thank you for that. Really helpful! From what I have found online after reading your post I have started taking 500mg of Vitamin C on top of my usual folic acid and Vitamin D tab. Think i’m gonna leave the rest and see how we go from there. Pregnancy is such a minefield.

        Reply
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